Maybe Not as Funny as Pro Wrestling but a Lot More Realistic
List of Garfield and Friends Introductory Lines
"You notice how every week I say something different here?"
This following is a list of lines spoken by Garfield at the end of Garfield and Friends' introduction.
Season 1: 1988
| Ep # (Season) | Ep # (Total) | Lines | Original U.S. Airdate |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | 01 | You folks have this confused. I'm real, and you're animated. | 9/17/1988 |
| 02 | 02 | I just checked the TV listings; I'm the only thing on right now. | 9/24/1988 |
| 03 | 03 | Smart kids watch this show; other kids change the channel. | 10/1/1988 |
| 04 | 04 | Maybe not as funny as pro wrestling, but a lot more realistic. | 10/8/1988 |
| 05 | 05 | This show is K-rated - no adults unless accompanied by a kid. | 10/15/1988 |
| 06 | 06 | Pay careful attention, everyone; there'll be a quiz later. | 10/22/1988 |
| 07 | 07 | The Garfield Guarantee - no giant robots or annoying little blue people. | 10/29/1988 |
| 08 | 08 | So if someone wants you to change the channel, kids, just say no. | 11/5/1988 |
| 09 | 09 | Don't forget, kids, look both ways before crossing your teacher. | 11/12/1988 |
| 10 | 10 | Hey, Heathcliff! Eat your heart out! | 11/19/1988 |
| 11 | 11 | Beware of imitations, accept no substitutes. Batteries not included. | 11/26/1988 |
| 12 | 12 | You notice how every week I say something different here? | 12/3/1988 |
| 13 | 13 | Hey you, the kid who missed last week's show! You'd better have a good excuse. | 12/10/1988 |
Season 2: 1989
| Ep # (Season) | Ep # (Total) | Lines | Original U.S. Airdate |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | 14 | I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here today. | 9/16/1989 |
| 02 | 15 | 9/16/1989 | |
| 03 | 16 | And just remember what you paid to get in. | 9/23/1989 |
| 04 | 17 | 9/23/1989 | |
| 05 | 18 | A funny thing happened to me on my way to my cartoon show | 9/30/1989 |
| 06 | 19 | 9/30/1989 | |
| 07 | 20 | Hey you, chewing the gum! I hope you brought enough for everybody. | 10/7/1989 |
| 08 | 21 | 10/7/1989 | |
| 09 | 22 | Eat and be lazy, kids, and someday you'll have your own show too. | 10/14/1989 |
| 10 | 23 | 10/14/1989 | |
| 11 | 24 | Sell your remote control. I'm the best thing on. | 10/21/1989 |
| 12 | 25 | 10/21/1989 | |
| 13 | 26 | I can't believe we get away with this every week. | 10/28/1989 |
| 14 | 27 | 10/28/1989 | |
| 15 | 28 | Today featuring Binky the Clown, so turn up the volume, kids! | 11/4/1989 |
| 16 | 29 | 11/4/1989 | |
| 17 | 30 | Don't try any of this at home, kids. We're professionals. | 11/11/1989 |
| 18 | 31 | 11/11/1989 | |
| 19 | 32 | Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist? My lips never move. | 11/18/1989 |
| 20 | 33 | 11/18/1989 | |
| 21 | 34 | This offer void where prohibited. Some restrictions may apply. Batteries not included. | 11/25/1989 |
| 22 | 35 | 11/25/1989 | |
| 23 | 36 | We've got to stop that chicken from writing on my logo every week. | 12/2/1989 |
| 24 | 37 | 12/2/1989 | |
| 25 | 38 | Garfield and Friends is taped in front of an animated studio audience. | 12/16/1989 |
| 26 | 39 | 12/16/1989 |
Season 3: 1990
| Ep # (Season) | Ep # (Total) | Lines | Original U.S. Airdate |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | 40 | And just remember what you paid to get in. | 9/15/1990 |
| 02 | 41 | And a special hello to all you wonderful Nielsen families out there. | 9/15/1990 |
| 03 | 42 | And pay attention; there'll be a test at the end. | 9/22/1990 |
| 04 | 43 | You notice how every week I say something different here? | 9/22/1990 |
| 05 | 44 | Change channels and you'll never see your dog again. | 9/29/1990 |
| 06 | 45 | Today's show is brought to you by the letter K and the number 9. | 9/29/1990 |
| 07 | 46 | Hey you, the kid who missed last week's show! You'd better have a good excuse. | 10/6/1990 |
| 08 | 47 | It doesn't start until the fat lady screams. | 10/6/1990 |
| 09 | 48 | Hey you, the kid who missed last week's show! You'd better have a good excuse. | 10/13/1990 |
| 10 | 49 | My lips never move. Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist? | 10/13/1990 |
| 11 | 50 | I'd like to buy a vowel, please. | 10/20/1990 |
| 12 | 51 | In a moment, I'll wave my finger and the music will stop. | 10/20/1990 |
| 13 | 52 | I'll be back right after they sell you stuff. | 10/27/1990 |
| 14 | 53 | Enough of this entertainment jazz; let's have some commercials. | 10/27/1990 |
| 15 | 54 | And today, we're having a half-off sale on Odie. 'Cause he's half-off. (syndicated airings only; the original and DVD versions have none due to an error) | 11/3/1990 |
| 16 | 55 | It doesn't start until the fat lady screams. | 11/10/1990 |
| 17 | 56 | Here are some commercials and then, more of me. | 11/17/1990 |
| 18 | 57 | Garfield and Friends will be right back. At least I'll be. | 11/17/1990 |
Season 4: 1991
| Ep # (Season) | Ep # (Total) | Lines | Original U.S. Airdate |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | 58 | The Buddy Bears are on the show today, folks, so keep that channel changer handy. | 9/14/1991 |
| 02 | 59 | And pay attention; there'll be a test at the end. | 9/14/1991 |
| 03 | 60 | Just think of me as like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Pussycat. | 9/21/1991 |
| 04 | 61 | You notice how every week I say something different here? | 9/21/1991 |
| 05 | 62 | This show is the only possible reason for getting up this early. | 9/28/1991 |
| 06 | 63 | Hey you, the kid who missed last week's show! You'd better have a good excuse. | 9/28/1991 |
| 07 | 64 | Thank you. You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the cartoon show. | 10/5/1991 |
| 08 | 65 | My lips never move. Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist? | 10/5/1991 |
| 09 | 66 | I'm sick of those singers. Can we get some, like, Elvis impersonators for next week? | 10/12/1991 |
| 10 | 67 | Welcome to my world. Did you bring food? | 10/12/1991 |
| 11 | 68 | Hey, I'll return the favor. When you get your own cartoon show, I'll watch. | 10/19/1991 |
| 12 | 69 | And just remember what you paid to get in. | 10/19/1991 |
| 13 | 70 | Serving cartoon watchers the world over since 1988. | 10/26/1991 |
| 14 | 71 | This show is the most fun you can have without marinara sauce. | 11/2/1991 |
| 15 | 72 | When they invented television, this is pretty much what they had in mind. | 11/9/1991 |
| 16 | 73 | I haven't had so much fun since Nermal fell in the mud. | 11/9/1991 |
Season 5: 1992
| Ep # (Season) | Ep # (Total) | Lines | Original U.S. Airdate |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | 74 | The following is made possible by a grant from the Lasagna Manufacturers of America. | 9/19/1992 |
| 02 | 75 | Today's show is dedicated to loyal and courageous pizza delivery persons everywhere. | 9/19/1992 |
| 03 | 76 | If you can find a better show on television, watch it! | 9/26/1992 |
| 04 | 77 | If this show were any more entertaining, we'd be on Pay-Per-View. | 9/26/1992 |
| 05 | 78 | If you like this show, tell a friend. If you don't like it, my name is Heathcliff. | 10/3/1992 |
| 06 | 79 | Where else can you get this much comedy for your viewing dollar? | 10/3/1992 |
| 07 | 80 | The only cartoon show that comes with a double-your-money-back guarantee. | 10/10/1992 |
| 08 | 81 | And for my next trick, I will make the rest of the show magically appear! | 10/10/1992 |
| 09 | 82 | We're environmentally sound; all of today's jokes are recycled from last week's show. | 10/17/1992 |
| 10 | 83 | Reproductions of the accounts and descriptions of this cartoon show is prohibited. | 10/17/1992 |
| 11 | 84 | And make sure you stick around after the show for the big cast party. | 10/24/1992 |
| 12 | 85 | If you could only watch one TV show this year, this is the one to watch. | 10/24/1992 |
| 13 | 86 | Hey, you could watch some other show, but why would you want to? | 10/31/1992 |
| 14 | 87 | And don't let your dog watch this show. It's too good for him. | 10/31/1992 |
| 15 | 88 | Today's show is brought to you in color unless the artists ran out of crayons. | 11/7/1992 |
| 16 | 89 | You'll like today's show, folks. No Binky, no Nermal, no Buddy Bears - just a lot of me. | 11/7/1992 |
Season 6: 1993
| Ep # (Season) | Ep # (Total) | Lines | Original U.S. Airdate |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | 90 | Today's show is inspected for your safety by number 29. | 9/18/1993 |
| 02 | 91 | Don't bother checking NBC, kids. They're not running cartoons anymore. | 9/18/1993 |
| 03 | 92 | If a tree falls while our sound effects man is at lunch, does it make a sound? | 9/25/1993 |
| 04 | 93 | 9/25/1993 | |
| 05 | 94 | Everything else you watch on TV this week will just be anti-climatic. | 10/2/1993 |
| 06 | 95 | Today's show is inspected for your safety by number 29. | 10/2/1993 |
| 07 | 96 | Penelope's back today, folks. Some women just can't get enough of me. | 10/9/1993 |
| 08 | 97 | 10/9/1993 | |
| 09 | 98 | Critics agree - of all the TV shows on today, this is probably one of them. | 10/16/1993 |
| 10 | 99 | 10/16/1993 | |
| 11 | 100 | Think of a number between 1 and 10. The number you're thinking of is 7. | 10/23/1993 |
| 12 | 101 | 10/23/1993 | |
| 13 | 102 | And keep watching, or we'll have to change into a shopping network and sell bad jewelry. | 10/30/1993 |
| 14 | 103 | Today is Hit-a-Duck-in-the-Face-With-a-Lemon-Meringue-Pie Day! We'll explain later. | 10/30/1993 |
| 15 | 104 | And keep watching, or we'll have to change into a shopping network and sell bad jewelry. | 11/6/1993 |
| 16 | 105 | Today is Hit-a-Duck-in-the-Face-With-a-Lemon-Meringue-Pie Day! We'll explain later. | 11/6/1993 |
Season 7: 1994
| Ep # (Season) | Ep # (Total) | Lines | Original U.S. Airdate |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | 106 | I was gonna do something spontaneous here, but I've been too busy to plan it. | 9/17/1994 |
| 02 | 107 | The cartoon show to watch when you won't settle for just any cartoon show. | 9/17/1994 |
| 03 | 108 | 9/24/1994 | |
| 04 | 109 | I was gonna do something spontaneous here, but I've been too busy to plan it. | 9/24/1994 |
| 05 | 110 | The funniest show on TV that doesn't have a 1-800 number to buy cheap junk. | 10/1/1994 |
| 06 | 111 | Today, featuring the return of the Singing Ants! Boy, they have a good agent. | 10/1/1994 |
| 07 | 112 | Penelope is singing today, folks, so don't leave any expensive glassware near the TV. | 10/8/1994 |
| 08 | 113 | The cartoon show to watch when you won't settle for just any cartoon show. | 10/8/1994 |
| 09 | 114 | Today, a Saturday morning investigative report - where did all those Smurfs go? | 10/15/1994 |
| 10 | 115 | This show is the answer. Unfortunately, no one's figured out the question yet. | 10/22/1994 |
| 11 | 116 | Today, a look into our writer's joke file! That's right, we examine both jokes. | 10/29/1994 |
| 12 | 117 | The longest-running show on this channel, except for the news which is unfortunately funnier. | 11/5/1994 |
| 13 | 118 | Today, an encore performance of our report 'Are There Too Many Reruns on Cartoon Shows'? | 11/19/1994 |
| 14 | 119 | I was gonna do something spontaneous here, but I've been too busy to plan it. | 11/26/1994 |
| 15 | 120 | 12/3/1994 | |
| 16 | 121 | After seven seasons, we've pretty much said everything you can say in this spot. | 12/10/1994 |
Source: https://garfield.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_Garfield_and_Friends_Introductory_Lines
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